I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
