So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
