why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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