Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
