you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
