yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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