I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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