Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
