He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
