Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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