After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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