Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
