I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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