Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sarcasm needs its own font
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
