I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
