Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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