Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
