I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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