I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
