I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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