I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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