omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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