Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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