is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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