We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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