You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
