ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize