You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
