Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
