10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
