Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
