You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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