it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
