I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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