My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
