Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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