I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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