So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
