90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
