Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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