Well douche your snatch and let's go!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
