Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
