This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
someone threw a dead crab at me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
