im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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