I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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