she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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