Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
