Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
