Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
