I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize