Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Vodka?
Forever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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