threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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