tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
