I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
