hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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