Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
