I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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