Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
