yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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