how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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