There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
