yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
